I hated labels anyway. People didn't fit in slots like sorting the mail. We were so mutable, filled with fear and desire, ideals and angles, changeable as water.
- Janet Fitch.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Love her hair!
Electric Blue is cool too. -wonders if i can carry off a milder version of that without looking ahlian and without being permanently grounded-


let bygones be bygones. =D

7:46 PM

Friday, November 27, 2009

LIJING IS 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! very surprising, right? she behaves my age, seriously, especially around her nicole lim. why does nicole lim seem to belong to everyone? anyway, LIJING ROCKS. she is a great friend and quite a great person. despite her act-cuteness, okay i guess she really is quite cute sometimes but only when she doesn't try, and obsession with sunscreen and cute stuff and dunno how many idols, she rocks! i am repeating myself. anyway, she's a very mature friend who gives great advice and is really objective and experienced. she has this wise vibe and she's in control of her emotions. and she is fun to make fun of! and she is a great friend! LIJING ROCKS! and she is 21! thank you lijing, i really wouldn't have expected us to communicate so well, i think your english is much better than my chinese sadly, but i will improve by writing more chinese and texting more chinese, for being a great friend to talk to about a lot of things, for being very amusing and light-hearted and making school days happier, but for being the voice of reason. your personality rocks! we will be good friends for a very long time! damn happy i got to know lj better this year =D it's my honour. LJ 石头!

I feel like I have incurred a great debt. Blew quite a lot of $ on threadless tees (thanks yanne! no sarcasm intended. i am broke D:) when I haven't even found any assignments yet :/ But i walked around the whole estate today to distribute flyers. So exercise for the day + shameless self-recommendation were accomplished simultaneously. Actually, I do not need much $. While the allowance I get pales in comparison to many others, I don't spend much. But I spend quite a lot on CDs, iPods (haha i plan to expand my collection to include every single iPod model ever created !!! -evil cackle-) impulse buys, gifts etc. Still, most of the things I enjoy most cannot be bought. Music. (i only buy CDs when i like the singer/band and not just a few of their songs) Film. (free movie vouchers) Books. (get from library. borrow from friends. buy.) Clothes - sometimes but I'm not a big shopper. Most of the time I get bored easily when shopping 'cuz everything looks the same after a while and I won't spend too much $ on clothes I like, unless I really x10 like it but i don't often really really like something enough to splurge. Yeah but $ is needed to buy air tickets for travelling which i plan to do a lot of, stalking paramore and other bands, gigs, picking up new skills, hopefully flying away with a bunch of friends on a pilgrimage that will *magically* change our lives.
In the next few months, time shall be meaningfully spent, with a great deal of fun, depth, humour, harmless confusion etc. We shall confront our inner demons bravely and wringe out remnants of regret.

I read 2 books! The first one was dismissed as chick lit by someone who saw the book. the cover is horribly misleading. the title too. "good girls gone bad" it is not ! ! ! it is about this group of women who are slightly mentally unsound. or have issues that are generally linked to their BGR issues. or so they say. let's assume they are mostly BGR ones. One is a stalker of her ex-boyfriend, one lives with her mum and wears garish clown makeup, one is scared that she will get HIV through the TV, one is a sex addict and commitment phobe, one binge-eats whenever she feels insecure etc. and they join this psychotherapy group. and the main character comes to terms with her mother's suicide (sylvia plath style) which she can somewhat identify since she entertains suicidal thoughts. i thought the most interesting part was how the protagonist (an actuary, something like an accountant) enjoyed her work and there were anecdotes on how the logic of mathematics correlates with real life or completely contradicts it in some cases. i don't think it was just about empowerment, because the females actually backstabbed each other at some parts, ironically due to relationship conflicts, but in the end, their pact somehow united them through more important things than just romantic r/s like family, friendship etc. it seems to have more depth but when I was reading it, I didn't take too much notice. Recorded down some intriguing quotes though. it is more about small personal triumphs and is really engaging a read! Love the characters. great book!

Perfume is quite interesting too. Watched the movie a long time ago. The language is a bit heavy and overly descriptive, depends on personal preference I guess.

I WANNA WATCH GLEE XDXDXD

List of Movies!
Prozac Nation
ALICE IN WONDERLAND (march '10)
Fantastic Mr Fox
Coraline great movie. the entire set was painstakingly handmade and filmed using stop-motion! the set pieces are amazing. and they had to move the characters centimetre by centimetre. the detail just blew me away. watched it twice. dark, scary, quite deep if you think about it.
An Education
The Professional (recommended by Yuk the great)
Whip it
New Moon
Humpday
Before Sunset
Before Sunrise
Gone with the Wind
Scoop
La Vie En Rose
Zombieland
The Informant!
The Lovely Bones
UP! hey i thought it was rather simple, sweet and even truly funny at some parts. better than most animation movies i guess, which i don't usually like to watch.
- to be continued -

8:51 PM

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

My parents are the bomb!

4:55 AM

Monday, November 23, 2009

from heycheri:

When something terrible happens to you, don't announce it to the world and expect tons of sympathy. Don't expect someone to run in and sweep you off your feet to make you feel better. Handle your shit with dignity. If you're doing it to get support from people, just straight up ASK for it. Something like, "You guys, I'm going through some really tough times right now and sure could use a friend." People appreciate the honesty and are typically happy to step in and help you out.

So if you find yourself complaining about how much your life sucks and envying that bitch across the street who seems to be doing so much better than you, do yourself a favor and strive to be more like her. Because it's obvious that she's not even acknowledging that type of negativity and seems to be doing well regardless of the haterade. Do yourself a favor and slap the shit out of yourself. HANDLE YOUR OWN BUSINESS. Other people don't shit what you eat. No one's going to care when you complain about the horrible crap happening to you. FIX IT. ONLY EAT THE GOOD STUFF. ONLY PUT YOURSELF IN A POSITION TO BE HAPPY.

--
GO HEYCHERI! :)

i did try to push some people forward along the way, i'm not merely concerned about my own opportunities. i honestly want my good friends or respectable people to be able to achieve what they want to. or at least have someone to talk to about their problems or confusion. who doesn't experience that? i might not be as considerate as people who put others first at their expense, i'm not noble, but if it's within my reach, i would definitely help. i tried. but it's ultimately up to the individual. you have to want it badly enough and fight for it, and even if you fail, you have to fight again. keyword here is fight. complacency doesn't get one anywhere special. i suppose i can say all this because of the chances i have been granted. but it's also about how you optimise your resources. this sounds so econs harhar.

better start planning now. then i can start luxuriating in shows/books/meetups with friends very soon. as well as courses :) especially books! i love the way that books can totally immerse you in a very different environment. BUT FIRST, i need to get confusing stuff like uni apps and job applications out of the way. wanna give private tuition coz it's more flexible an arrangement plus higher pay! today will be q productive. also checking out peace corps. and shall ask stone to check out bhutan bookings. BHUTAN! :) happiest place in asia. it's a very zen, technology-free, majority buddhism place. it will be a very unconventional place to travel to. better than bangkok/bali. yeah should be going to bangkok next year. what else to do there but eat and shop? zzzz.

if everything works out, we will be GOING PLACES.

yeah, and extremely fun outings ahead including a warehouse sale, shopping (again) hai girls really love shopping huh i do enjoy it sometimes but i'm not that shoppy. it's damn tiring leh. going to chew's, philosophical interrogations, discussions and a erm badminton session (are you sure, tjh?) and waxing session. waxing facial hair duh, what on earth were you thinking. etcetcetc. won't be updating that much maybe probably perhaps. good times!

--
anyway, went to the library & before that, i was walking around by myself at the very noisy, crowded bugis street. i think i understand claustrophobia now. managed to get what i was looking for (it's not gross don't worry, though i was horrified by some of the tasteless clothing. there are some pretty interesting shops but you have to look really hard to find them, and the prices are probably jacked up too) + i kinda liked the feeling of being alone in a very noisy place, watching people in pairs or groups walk past, with them probably wondering what sort of loser would be seen out alone in such a popular place. yeah i should go out alone more. or probably just stay at home. *loves house much*

7:14 PM

heaves a big sigh of relief. chem was really horrible though. i mean it. when i say something is screwed, it really is screwed. white dog cafe has very very very nice food. i usually hate spending much $ on food, yep i consider anything> $10 expensive, i'm very very stingy when it comes to food (am probably the only singaporean who is not a big foodie) coz i believe that it might taste nice but ultimately you shit it out and don't gain much from it so what's the point of spending so much on it. am very tired, and shall stop typing soon. ready to watch many shows, apply to universit(ies), and go to the library one day to get my stash of books. i really miss reading and the way it takes you away from the world you are living in. not that the world i'm living in is bad, but it's an affordable way of entering a zone of your own thoughts and images which are formed from your idea of what the book is saying. and i shall stop here coz my brain cells are apoptosising
anyway hi yanne, sorry, i took quite a while to charge my laptop. talk to you on wednesday! special mention here !

7:40 AM

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

B's brother is the win. 'don't worry, you won't fail.' :,D

10:08 PM

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

In Anticipation of Liberation
031209
It's not even a new chapter of our lives. It's a completely different book!

New moon is coming out! I remember laughing very hard at twilight, because it was quite ridiculous. Think cuzziewuzzie and i were the only 2 females who didn't take the movie seriously. Especially the Edward loves tofu part. the funniest thing was that the movie took itself seriously. hahahaha. Oh but am looking fwd to NM because of jacob black. team jacob! i was quite a fan of the series. it really is quite an exhilarating read. i think only teenage girls will understand. actually, there might be a lot of closet male readers who are aspiring vampires/werewolves. yes, i'm quite certain of that! oh the parody of twilight called nightlight (grin) hits bookstores soon. starring edwart mullen who has nosebleeds and is a geek. and the epic klutz belle goose who thinks everyone is obsessed with her (teehee!). recommended for those who don't idolise the book, but "enjoyed it" and are ready to have a good laugh. think it'll be very very funny. ah. i want to watch a lot of comedies too! cousin recommended How I Met Your Mother. Seinfeld is funny too, even though i don't get a lot of the references. Saturday Night Live.+ Brit stuff, which is usually more witty. Little Britain :D:D:D and all those other shows. and movies that i've been wanting to catch.

anyway, just to show that I am not completely american/british culture obsessed, am quite addicted to ai4, a hokkien drama that my dad says turns my mum's brain to mush. showing on weekends. it is damn dramatic. i finally understand why people like to watch these kinda shows. addictive. nice to watch unidimensional characters who fit very neatly into stereotypes . makes life much simpler.

was thinking of making a list of around ...30 things to do before uni starts. but it's quite restrictive. okay i will do it only if there are other people to brainstorm with. and of course, develop a talent! very very important. serious about beatboxing & french & songwriting & electric guitar. i think i'll have quite a lot of time to learn about all this during uni, though. skateboarding is cool too. but very dangerous. anyway, i don't think i'm sporty by nature, so maybe i'll just stick to running/swimming/cycling/rollerblading in my leisure time.

in exam mode. sort of. i feel lethargic most of the time, so productivity levels have dropped. but there's only so much one can do last-minute. also suffering from annoying insomnia on nights before early papers. I tried counting sheep and rabbits. Didn't work. Tonight I shall try pigs. Since my mum says my behaviour resembles them.

Kinda lethargic. Spent the day, which probably should've been spent on stats, satisfying my ruffles craving, talking to harl about random issues, watching EMAs (jay z is overrated. Well I think all rappers are. 'cept kanye!) latest episode of gg got me thinking. Raunchiness aside. Actually its not even that raunchy. About gender identities and all. My questions sound quite stupid and incited amusement from others so I shall not reproduce them here (haha pun not intended)

Can't believe we're moving. I like my home a lot! Don't normally feel attached to places, but this is the place i identify as my house. Ergh. And my neighbour(s). Like the girl living opposite, we used to play tgt every single day after pri school. The 5 year old who is cooler than other kids. The playground. The neighbourhood. Shaowin, huimin, gerass living nearby. Where on earth will the housecrashers have such a convenient place to crash houses, and play pranks on unsuspecting neighbours? (the dustbin dare and potato chip seller ones earned priceless reactions). east coast park nearby. And a lot of dogs. And attic!!! And my small but cosy room. With yanne's puddle of drool from some school project, or math teacher. Most of all, the serenity. Away from all the hustle and bustle of city life that s'pore is keen on pursuing. While I will not miss the cockroaches and many other insects, the good things clearly outweigh the bad. Moving out around late jan/feb.bleh. The sole good news is perhaps a garage sale. Clearing old things is a fresh start. Meanwhile, I will spend more time in places in my home that I like. It is the first quite big step in the very different direction we are heading towards. ooh sounds cryptic huh.

watched made. it's this mtv show where teenagers get the chance to be made into something/someone that they've always wanted to be. it's quite fun to watch coz of the superficial transformations you witness in the contestants. today's episode featured a slightly plump (i'm being real diplomatic here) nerdish looking boy who basically perved on girls with pickup lines like "i saw an angel falling from heaven. oh, it was you." and he wondered why girls were not attracted to him. harhar. he went on 2 dates with 2 girls who found him funny, but at the very end when he tried to kiss them, he got "kiss-dissed" (mtv is a great source to expand one's vocabulary. i also learnt a new catchphrase - from geek to chic. say it real fast! there's a poetic quality to it.) so anyway, the closing scene caught my attention. he "became" popular, and so the frog was finally kissed by a princess (very drunk btw) anyway, what struck me was how he genuinely seemed to believe that he was accepted by his friends, girls etc, just because of the party. and he actually wanted that fake sense of popularity. even though people were prob there for the music, drinks, the guys probably for the hot chicks. If he was unpopular before, what made him think he earned overnight popularity just by changing his physical appearance?
so motto of the story - the people who stick by you when you're the most unappealing are your true friends.

actually, i can even learn quite interesting thingos from 1 episode of the hills. haha. it's this superbitchydrama "reality" show. stuff like like friend VS boyfriend. not just the balancing both of them dilemma. but also when they absolutely cannot get along. how do you choose. and should you even choose. and why is there such dramamamama in the first place. maybe people secretly think it's all a big fun game. rather amusing, really how people are so self-absorbed in nothingness.

We're halfway through. I am very glad that bio paper 2 is over. Even though I have to drag myself though hell reading the notes again for mcqs, the most challenging part is over. And i was bloody lucky for the essay question. Thank you karma/God. anyway, I don't really hate bio. But it isn't easy to like something you put in the effort and don't perform in. it's not like i have an inferiority complex, coz i think everyone has something they're not good at no matter how much they try and sometimes they make excuses for themselves, but maybe it's better to just confront it straight-up. anyway, the subject itself is q interesting, no? Without bio, a lot of ppl would have died of some horrible disease. and it's the basic foundation that explains why life exists. without humans, there wouldn't be the humanities anyway. But I hope it doesn't mean I suck at it coz I actually performed a miraculous feat (by my standards) when I didn't attempt to understand in one of the past papers but spammed keywords. Anyway, it is sort of the end of bio. After apps. Mcqs don't really count. Glad to have gotten through it. Heh maybe im secretly glad i chose it in the end. Who knows, taking another subject like lit might have killed any interest i had. rattina says it is different from secschool and it's damn hard to score in consistently like what faith said. It's more of a mindset than just a subject too. Boo i sound like I'm trying to comfort myself. I am not. At least i can say I was in the science stream, which I prob will not study anymore, unless the unis are as flexible as they claim and allow us to cross disciplines. unless it's psychology, maybe. Man I really hope that we can choose different modules for undergrad studies. Like mix and matching. I think forensics and maybe even organic chem are fun. And languages. (chineseeee heh heh heh) Maybe there's philosophy too. Ooh. back to bio. i think getting an A, like probably almost everyone else from hc expects to get will be quite hard but see how. No point talking about things that are beyond my control already. don't want to bore with details of the other papers.

'you are awesome for asking this during exam week'. Must remember this!
On a random note! I sound quite happy here, I realize. I suppppppppppose I'm quite a satisfied person emotionally and all for now, but I guess its just coz I tend to moodswitch slightly when I blog. on blogs, we (sub?)consciously censor stuff till it's not really that real an indication of someone anymore. But I guess its not that surprising. If we're lucky, there are probably just a few people or outlets which we express our true views to/through. the weird thing is that I can understand much more about some people from their blog. Maybe it's coz it's more uninhibited.unlike how people have to adapt to one another in reality. K focus darling (who calls herself darling!?!?), enough rambling.

Buying brandneweyes ;) a lot of good songs! It's quite a new sound for them, more stripped down like their debut (talking abt paramore!! Go get the cd! Or you can borrow it from me) but with much less angst, thankfully, and more depth and cynicism. their songwriting skills have improved! But the underlying optimism is still there. I like how they tried to deal with the issues they were facing as a band in the lyrics. Definitely not a publicity stunt. The album's much more personal than riot!. Which was a ...riot but had this overproduced feel to it. mm yeah shall listen to it in sequence of the songs. i read somewhere that it sends conflicting messages because there're songs like looking up, where the lines overlap which brim with hope (i feel all fuzzy and empowered just listening to them, looking up is almost on par with hallelujah:D) and others like ignorance, brick by boring brick, playing god. and other more pensive ones like misguided ghosts (!!!! love this. her vocals are so pure and it's perfectly stripped down to just vocals and a soft guitar. haunting, just like the title suggests.) cool, i guess you could say that actually inconsistency just makes it more authentic. makes it less likely that their record company had control over it? they are still kids growing up in the limelight. i'm really glad they got through their problems. though i hope that H and J didn't break up just coz of the attention it would take away from the band. sniffles. i foresee fanfixx popping up.

the end is near! toodles~

8:07 PM

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Hiatus!
Shall reflect on these 2 years after A's. i honestly can't remember many eventful things. it's more of the people who have made the time memorable. no feelings for hc itself. Actually wrote a long pensive post, but decided that I shall post it up later. I can't say that I was feeling sentimental and nostalgic during grad ceremony or even now, looking back on jc life. Grateful for it though. But most of it is fuzzy for now.

I really forgot there was Bio today. No ponning intended.
www.mikehorn.com :D signing up. what are the odds? still, trying is better than not.

It's time to concentrate fully on the final exam of this long journey, (somehow I think uni will be better because I intend to study something I will have lots of motivation to learn about. even though i sense a compromise.) only 2 weeks plus left!!!! we have a lot of things to look forward to after that. To some people - don't worry about other things first, just focus on this. it's actually a good distraction (question to self - is happiness so hard to attain? even contentment, for that matter...?) no panic attacks, please. I ain't interested in giving anyone cpr. I have a first aid cert btw! Hard to believe I know. kinda forgot all the skills, but no fear since there are many SJ buddies around. ok so anyway i know the grades won't mean anything in the years to come, but since we are defined (in society) by our grades, might as well just try our best, and use it as a means to achieve our personal brand of success.

FARE WELL ! (pun intended)

9:39 PM